Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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