I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
