Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
