I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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