How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
