glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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