We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
