So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
