I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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