i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
