I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
