I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
