whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
