Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
