did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
