So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
