The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
