My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
