Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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