ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
