here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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