I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
