goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
