Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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