Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
