i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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