break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have aggressive nipples.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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