my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
