He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
