Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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