Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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