i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
