i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this will be a night to untag.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
