oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
