No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
