i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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