End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
