absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
