i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
