did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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