just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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