Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
