I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
