Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
