This dress was meant to end up on your floor
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i now understand why vodka
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
