Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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