God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
