I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
