I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
