mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
