I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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