we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
