$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
