put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
