she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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