Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
