Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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