Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
