My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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