i permit you to call me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
