so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
