He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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