happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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