The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
