what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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