Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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