I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
