We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
