i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
