and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he thought i was a dude.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
